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Starkidz

Did you ever wonder . . .


c1995 ~ Matthew

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13. Poem.

The wind streams, the moon howls darkness at the night.
The wind blows, the stars glow, and nothing is all right.
The terrors begun, there is no fun, there’s only dark and light
pushing in; pulling out, and I’m afraid to fight.

He comes to me, I to him; together we embrace
locking lips, eyes to nose, staring him in the face
I kiss him.
and I am young
I am thirteen
and yet just a child.
Possessed by knowledge beyond my means
in the darkness bodies pant and go wild.

He goes in, I go out; I am just thirteen
he says this, I say that, but I don’t know what it means.
“I love you,” he says to my face, but now he is behind me
how can that be
behind me.
what is he doing there?

The dick slides in; the dick slides out; I am in so much pain
and yet if he asks
I will do it again.
I am just thirteen
and I don’t know what it means
these words he calls ‘love’
and the things he does.

There’s blood on my lips; blood in my mouth, and it is my own,
my lips had to cover; protect him from the bone.
It was for him I bled; bled down all inside
Feeling him entering me
as a little child.

I don’t know what to do . . . nowhere left to run
the night has come
and I don’t know what to do
but loving you
loving you for what you’ve done
paying attention to me . . .

Acceptance, love and sex – are they not all one and the same?
And if I am the one who wanted it – am I not to blame?
He put it in me, this wall of shame
which I now must climb.
He is gone but I remain
Thirteen, trapped in time.

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Filed under child abuse survivor, DID, Poetry